Hi there! So happy to "revive" my blog (though it only has two posts yet), I almost forgot I had one.
Well, these past months, I got busy with my being a Social Justice worker. I was with a Radio Program entitled "Binhi sa Pagbag-o" (Seed for Change or more like Catalyst for Change). I was also into women and youth advocacy, indigenous people's rights, and human rights campaign itself. I did not specifically limited myself on just one aspect because there's no way for me to do that. I just had to be anywhere. But just recently, I decided to take a "rest" or more like, spend more of my time with my family as I prepare myself to a whole new level of career.
I stopped with my previous engagements and decided in going to law school. I chose to try San Beda (that's just like a wow!) So I busied myself reviewing for the LSAT. Surfed the net for law school experiences, and those stuff related to law school. I honestly enjoyed my self-review for LSAT. That time I realized there's much more I do not know that I have to learn. So I revisited the Philippine Constitution, read the news and reviewed on basic Algebra. Well, at first, I enjoyed the whole thing. But the reality was sinking in. Would I really be accepted in San Beda? Would I survive the first year? Would I gain a healthy support group? What would my life be like in Manila? Where would I stay there? WOULD I SURVIVE THE WHOLE THING?
Yeah, I struggled a lot. My only inspiration for pursuing were the masses. Yes, that's true! I kept on thinking that if I become a lawyer, there would be more ways for me to help the oppressed sectors of our society. I could be of great great help to them. I visioned how Christ did His part on serving the people especially the poor. Deep inside me, I was probing God's Will for me. I forcibly convince myself that law school was God's Will. But honestly, there was so much pressure going on inside me. There were pending issues with myself that I got to face. How will I ever become effective if I am not even fully confident of myself? How can I easily overcome challenges if I doubt myself whenever I see others doing better than I?
How do I trust myself with what I only have? I felt so lacking.
But I tried to put those issues upfront. I discussed it with my girl cousins. We found out that we have the same issues. We traced it to our genes. Our mothers had perhaps the same tendencies. We do not have the full guts to show to the world who we could become. Although we were able to deliver, but still, there's more of who we are than what the world thinks. But the problem is, we, ourselves, do not even tap it. So that's where we should head! We were so happy to be able to lay things as honest as we were during those times. It wasn't enough to just elaborate our common issues. We need to get out of it. We need to liberate ourselves from it!
So, was law school really my priority? Yes, I made all the process of applying for the entrance examination at San Beda College of Law. Thanks to my boyfriend's sister, Lara for doing all the transactions there in Manila. What I needed to do was to prepare all the requirements and send it to her. Few days before my flight to Manila for the entrance exam, I was convinced law school is not for me. What's the other option then?
My Aunt and my Uncle said that why don't us cousins try to study and work in Australia? At first, I never liked the idea because it's like giving in to my personal ends and forgetting about the masses. But my Uncle said, I could learn a lot from there. I should not worry for grabbing the opportunity because after all I could still help by engaging myself in international solidarity works if I have already established my study and work there in Aussie. I got excited because it's a whole new experience for me without much pressure.
It's great to be a lawyer. It's what I wanted for myself. But checking out the reality, it might not be for me this time yet - with how pressured already I got with the thought of going to law school, with my underdeveloped study habits, with my insufficient self-confidence... So instead of flying to Manila for the entrance exam, I stayed home and started to brace myself for this whole new experience.
I got my focus to the more essential things now. Currently, I am trying to address the issues I have with myself. I am trying to strengthen my will and learning to align it with God's will. How do I do it? Of course, introspection is one. Second is waking up early and going to daily mass at 6am. Third, doing my daily meditation (more like yoga) and getting myself fit with basic workouts and preparing and drinking my veg/fruit juices.
So, is pursuing a career in Aussie a God's Will? Maybe yes, maybe not. But in my gut, I feel I have a fast growing trust on this track. I trust God (well, I always do). I trust myself more this time.
